E-mail me: discordia AT thedarktower.net
AIM: Rule Discordia
t i p s f o r t r a v e l e r s
Ever go somewhere and think "Gee, I wish someone had let me know about ______ before I came here!" This section is intended to be a list of some little random things you need to know to get by in Jamaica. Any contributions are more than welcome--just e-mail me and put "Jamaica Tips" in the subject line, and I'll add your contribution with full credit to you. Please note that nothing here is meant to be a slur on Jamaica or its people, and I certainly don't want to dissuade anyone from visiting the country. However, no matter where you go, there are some things you need to know, whether for your protection or for the maximization of your fun, and that is what I want to put on this page.
- MANNERS. Many of us in the South have been well-schooled in manners--no matter what else might be wrong with us, we know our manners! It is always safer to be overly well-mannered than to seem rude. This is also so in Jamaica. Keep your "yes, ma'am" and "please" and "thank you" and "Good morning" close at hand and you should avoid the common tourist-country stereotype of the "ugly American." A great way to make friends in Jamaica is to treat everyone with respect. It's a great way to break through their stereotypes and show them that not all Americans are rude and stuck-up!
- PATOIS. Yes, they're speaking English--kind of. Patois is a linguistic term referring to what many people call a "broken" language. It is heavily accented and idiolectical. You may not understand what they are saying until you spend some time listening. Just be patient with yourself and with them--after all, you're the visitor, it's up to you to figure out what they're talking about. You'll be rewarded with fun things to say.
- WATCH YOUR MONEY. Especially if you're coming from America and just vacationing in Jamaica, take a look around you and notice that many Jamaicans are really poor. Now put yourself in their shoes--here you are, working yourself to death just to get by, and here come a flood of tourists. Obviously they have money--they had enough to take a vacation! Many Jamaicans don't get vacations. They're working hard just to live. So anyway, you need to get some food home to your kids tonight, and here are some gullible Americans just looking for some fun. Are you going to try to take advantage of them? Of course you are. People are everywhere, trying to sell you things. It's nothing personal--they need money and you got it. Be glad most people feel obligated to offer you a good or service for your money instead of just taking it.
The only bad experience I had with money was at Dunn's River Falls. I had just entered the craft market, and a guy offered to sell me a little wooden rattle with my name carved into it. I thought it was cute, and it was only my second day there so I didn't know any better than to stay the heck out of the craft market. So anyway, I watched him carve my name into the rattle, and he said "that'll be $10 American." So like a doofus, I brought out my wallet and went rooting around for cash. Suddenly I was surrounded on all sides by vendors trying to show me things and direct my attention elsewhere--"Buy this! Look at that! Over here, pretty lady! Look how lovely this would look on you!" In the resulting confusion, I really thought I had paid the guy and received my rattle. But when I escaped from the craft market, I looked through my bags, and lo and behold, I had no rattle. I looked through my wallet, and not only had I given the guy $10, someone had taken a five right out of there! So be careful--don't visit the craft markets until you're secure in your haggling abilities, DON'T bring your money or wallet out and flash it about like a doofus, and don't carry too much of your money on you at once. A money belt might be a good investment.
- A NOTE ON MARIJUANA. Yeah, I know we all think of JA as the weed paradise, what with all the Rastamen. But you need to know this: It isn't legal in Jamaica either. If you get caught buying, selling, using, or carrying, you are liable to go to Jamaican jail, which I hear is not a very tasty place to go. However, MJ is also plentiful and cheap, and odds are that you will be propositioned. Don't do something stupid that will get you into trouble.
- FOR THE LADIES: Jamaican men are pretty aggressive and explicit with the flirting. They will say things to you just walking down the street, out of the blue, that you could sue an American guy for. It's nothing personal and they're not trying to hurt your feelings, so chill out. Of course, if you play right back at them, they might think you're interested and follow you. Just smile and say "No thanks" or, if you're really uncomfortable, just avert your gaze and keep walking. There's no need to get really angry unless someone touches you without permission or keeps following you around everywhere.
- CLOTHING: Yes, it's hot and humid in Jamaica. Yes, it's an island paradise. But please, please don't walk around on the street in nothing but your bikini. Jamaica has a partying reputation, but it is an extremely Christian country--there are churches everywhere, and many people are extremely religious. You'll notice many of the women stay pretty covered up, and when they go to church, they wear long sleeves, white gloves, and hats. So please, don't offend people by walking around half-naked! (If you do, don't be surprised at the guys whispering obscenities to you.) Also, don't bother with socks or makeup. The makeup will melt off and get goopy, and your socks will feel like hot, wet towels. Time in the sun and on the beach will bring you a natural beauty, so you won't need makeup anyway.
- SUNSCREEN: Wear it. Doesn't matter what color your skin is--you will get sunburned, and it is not fun. As a Southerner, I thought I knew sunburn. I was mistaken--you haven't been sunburned until you've been sunburned on the bottoms of your feet. It hurts. Wear sunscreen and reapply it often!